When was the last time you had a difficult conversation with someone on your team? How did you conduct it? Did you provide ready-made solutions, or did you help the other person arrive at them independently?
Today, I will share with you specific strategies for conducting conversations with leaders on your team – both those who are stuck and need help, and those who are not fulfilling their commitments and require constructive confrontation.
Key Lesson: Be a Lighthouse, Not a Raft
Before I delve into specific techniques, I want to share a metaphor with you that changed my approach to leading others.
Development in network marketing resembles a game with a series of puzzles – each one a challenge to overcome. To reach the highest level, one must ‘mature’ mentally, competently, and emotionally.
This metaphor helped me understand a fundamental truth: My role as a leader is not to solve puzzles for others, but to help them find their own solutions.
I am not a ‘fixer’ who says, ‘leave it, I’ll do it.’ I am a mentor who acts like a lighthouse, illuminating the path – but not walking it for the other person.
Three Transformative Questions for a Leader Who is Stuck
Imagine you have someone on your team who is a leader, but has been stagnant for a long time. They have potential, but no progress is visible. How do you conduct such a conversation?
There are three questions that literally change the course of a conversation and help a leader independently discover their blockages (I encourage the leader to write down what they say – the more conscious the answers, the greater the chance of a breakthrough!):
Question 1: “What are you not doing today that, if you were doing it, would put you in a different place?”
This question opens eyes, providing space for honest self-reflection and pinpointing missing actions.
Question 2: “What is holding you back from starting to do exactly what you just mentioned?”
This question confronts internal barriers – it could be fear, lack of belief, perfectionism, fear of judgment, uncertainty. I don’t judge the answers; I just listen. Only then do we jointly look for solutions.
Question 3: “What would need to happen for you to change your attitude and consistently start doing what you are not doing today?”
This is a transformative question – it shifts the energy of the conversation from analysis to action. It helps the leader find their own trigger for action.
These questions work because:
- They lead the interlocutor to independent conclusions – and those are the most lasting!
- They help overcome blockages without pressure.
- They show that the answers are within that person – you just bring them out!
Constructive Feedback – or a Classy Telling-Off
Now for a more difficult situation – when someone on your team had ambitious goals and specific declarations, received your full support, but failed to deliver on agreements, gave up, or succumbed to excuses.
This is a critical moment where a leader should react, but must do so wisely and strategically – without offending, without jeopardizing the relationship, and ultimately, to mobilize them.
I will present you with a proven three-step model:
Step 1: Call a Spade a Spade
State what was agreed upon and what was not done. Express dissatisfaction or slight disappointment. Important: maintain a firm, but not aggressive, tone.
Step 2: Highlight the Positives – Balance Emotions
Point out what was done well, even if it was little. Acknowledge engagement in partial actions, without excessive flattery.
Step 3: Emphasize Belief in Potential and Provide a Motivational Boost
Explain why you believe in this person. Highlight their potential and aptitudes. Conclude with a strong declaration of trust and belief in their next attempt.
Three Pillars of a Leader’s Mindset
Finally, I want to address something absolutely fundamental – your mindset as a leader:
1. Take Responsibility for Your Own Life, Not for the Lives of Others
I once wanted people to succeed more than they did themselves. I even tried to deliver results for others! The truth is, responsibility for the lives, decisions, and actions of leaders rests solely with them. Give people a chance, show them opportunities, be a source of inspiration, but don’t do their work for them.
2. Keep Your Word
Imagine that every time you don’t keep your word, someone wipes their dirty shoes on your name. Your words are your personal brand. If you declare something and then back out, they lose power. And without power, there is no trust.
3. A Declaration is a Commitment
The attitude of a winning leader is: if I declare it, I deliver it. Regardless of whether others deliver or not. You must be consistent and stand firm!
Learn More
In the full video material, I share:
- A specific example of a conversation with a ‘stuck’ leader
- Negotiation elements in strategic conversations, i.e., how to raise the bar without pressure
- Tips on how to overcome the interlocutor’s financial or mental limitations
- A method for conducting conversations that build, not destroy, relationships
…And much more!
Conducting strategic conversations with leaders on your team is an art that combines the ability to listen, ask the right questions, provide constructive feedback, and negotiate. Developing these skills took me years, but it was the quality of my strategic conversations with leaders that determined the success of the entire structure.
